Compassion isn't always what we think it is or how it seems it should be. It is the positive opposite to dispassion. In metaphysics there is the idea that "what you have in your life is what you need to grow from". That means that the situations and experiences you have are there to show you and teach THAT which you need to learn.
As a yoga teacher, it is one of the first lessons we learn. As a business owner of a yoga studio I am constantly faced with the opportunity to learn the lesson of compassion as my students come to me with all of their issues; mental, emotional and physical. As I see some of the 'samskaras' (habits) in their lives, I am able (as an outsider) to 'see' WHY and HOW some of the discomforts of life come up. Repeated patterns can sometimes mean being stuck, and unless you are doing your own 'spiritual conscious work' it can be difficult to 'see' what we ourselves are doing to continue the process of being stuck. Maybe we aren't willing or wanting to change, grow or learn because it is pretty painful and it also means owning ones life and taking responsibility for it.
I do not consider these lessons 'painful' as I might recognize words and feelings like 'sadness, hurt, betrayal and awareness, and the word pain', well, I think we might all have different definitions of that. In our yoga practice I am always trying to get students to FEEL what is going on in their bodies, minds and hearts rather than needing to always LOOK outside oneself for the visual or the external. In our world, possibly in the way we grew up, we didn't LEARN how to feel, get the opportunity to explore it/identify it/ and express it. Many folks are taught to bury it, deny it, let it go and the expression of feelings might be thought of as 'siss or weak, especially in men'. It is why we tend to lack in our communication skills to someone else our 'feelings' and then many times our words get mixed up and mislead.
I think most of us can feel compassion when we see a news story that is 'sad'; an older person struggling, a pet that has been hurt, or a person whose life was taken in an unexpected turn. I think your children definitely teach you to be compassionate even before you get to explore what compassion is all about! As a person without children in their lives I cannot say, but I feel like you all put your children first (of course) and then your charities, church, etc. first from your heart center of compassion. With your kids you don't really have a 'choice' now, do you!
Sometimes that might be easy, maybe many times not. The true act of compassion is taught (though) in the toughest times, when we are not getting our way, when life hands you lemons over lemonade and in all relationships!
All of my relationships have leant to the lessons in compassion because as a single woman with no children and no family in the Pittsburgh area, I have the freedom to take care of me. I try to be compassionate and empathetic to all of my students lives. It is through them I learn. Also though as a yoga teacher I see so many people taking care of others first and forgetting themselves, not knowing HOW to love themselves and as a human 'on the back burner' forgetting that they themselves are the lesson that can be lived and then shines through to those around them that they teach; like their families and their children. Many students have physical and mental challenges due to this lack of compassion to their own heart.
Sometimes we are led by the influence of society and other family members on how to live and how to act. As in the words of Kahlil Gibran, 'each one of us is a separate note or string on an instrument and it is as we come together we make music. Each note equally important to the music as an independent note.' To be compassionate sometimes means tough love (referred to by therapists) or walking away (as to stop ENABLING OTHERS to be unhealthy).
Right there in front of our own faces we get the opportunity to work on ourselves and our compassion by the ways we feel when we DON'T want to be compassionate. We can be compassionate to those who seem to 'lack', but what about those that seem and are so competent and come across so strongly? Strong people go all out for others like their children and those in 'need', but the true test comes when someone who is competent is hurting and another human/friend recognizes that 'hurt', and then provides companionship.
Do you provide yourself and others the time you need or they need to love yourself after a divorce? How about if you have miscarried a child or lost one. How about when someone is so strong, works hard and is very healthy but lives alone/dines alone or is lonely? Do you have what it takes to recognize when someone could use your time, your hug, your presence and give it to them even if they didn't ask? Strong people rarely ask. They even ACT like they can handle it all, but deep down inside they just want someone to notice and reach out without even asking. Those of us who are single may have 'chosen' to be single (or didn't get the opportunity or did get it and didn't take it) and like being single a lot, but that doesn't mean we are not seeking compassion.
Here is a PRACTICE IN COMPASSION:
Stand in front of a mirror. Look directly into your eyes and even deeper into your Self. Outloud, tell yourself I LOVE MYSELF without looking away. You might cry, you might feel embarrassed or ridiculous and you might not be able to do it. If you cannot do it at first keep trying.
The true act of compassion is to love thyself which is loving God/Spirit/Universe, opening your heart to those around you, knowing you do not need to fix them or change them but just listen and be there. Ask those around you if they are ok, spend time with them and talk openly and honestly. When someone tells you they are sad, stay silent. Ask them if they would like to be held, comforted or hugged. If not, embrace the silence together as souls coming together in a compassionate way honoring whatever feelings one or the other is feeling. Talk, without blame and without defense. Trust me, this is a lesson that takes practice over and over and over.
My yoga teacher Gabriel Halpern used to describe it as this, "sometimes our soul, our being just wants to cry out, I wanna color with my crayons on the wall! I want to get my own way! I want to be loved! but we know we can't color on the wall, we know we can't always get our own way and we know we can't force someone to love us. All we can do is feel our feelings, acknowledge our difficulty, share it and wait for the process of healing to take place." It is ok to cry out and unleash your inner child but see it as a cry of expression for compassion to one's self.
Lesli Kotloski
